Turtle Steps and Lower Bars
“When I slow down to half as fast, I take in twice as much.” Tara Brach
“Progress has little to do with speed, but much to do with direction. So honor every step, no matter how slow.” Timber Hawkeye
Over the last few months I have become rather captivated with the idea that “less is more” and how I can better implement that philosophy in my own life. As confessed in several previous blog posts, I have (historically) not been the best at slowing down and taking my time to reach a goal, oftentimes to my detriment in terms of physical and mental health. In an article from last year, I talked about the idea of One Degree Turns. A fellow coach pointed out that Martha Beck also talks about taking “turtle steps.” I figured it was important enough to earn it's own blog post, so lets slide down that rabbit (or turtle) hole for a bit and see what we can learn.
We live in a society that is focused on being the best, working harder, smarter and faster, doing more, reaching your potential. A quick search on the internet provides thousands of quotes about excellence, inspiration, practicing gratitude, pushing yourself, being successful, getting that A+. Now to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being thankful, making an effort or embracing your potential. In fact, those can all be wonderful things. However, when you live with a chronic illness, “do more” can feel discouraging, overwhelming and even shaming when it feels impossible to even get out of bed, let alone pursue “greatness” or someone’s idea of the perfect life.
In contrast, Martha says “a ‘turtle step’ is the least I can do, divided in half” and “a step that takes you towards your ultimate goal, but is so tiny you could do it easily on your worst day.” Ponder that for a second. Do you notice how different it feels in your system to consider taking this kind of step in your life? It could be that you sense impatience, as in “how would I get anywhere in life if I move like a turtle?” (I hear ya!) Or it could be that you feel instant relief and your body feels like a weight is lifted off from not having that constant pressure. If I am entirely honest, I can tap into a bit of both in my own system; the fear of not moving forward fast enough AND the comfort of being absolutely O.K. where I am.
So, lets go off grid for a moment here because I would like to ponder why, even though we KNOW very well that turtle steps make perfect sense, we often resist the wisdom of doing moving at a slower pace. I think that many of us, having grown up in a culture that focuses on “raise the bar,” “more is better,” and “enough is never enough,” have a deeply ingrained sense of push, strive and win that gold medal. Sometimes we fail to realize just how fiercely that mindset has sunk into our bones, our minds and even our cellular structures. It is the norm in our culture and therefore we have bought the Kool-Aid without even recognizing it. It can be challenging for new clients to really embrace the slower speed of connecting with our bodies at their current pace and letting our internal structures dictate the tempo . Most of the time, when symptoms are intense and illness has been prevalent for quite some time, that means creating a super duper gentle, calm and reassuring presence with ourselves.
We like to think that moving fast and furious is the best way to reach our goals because we can get much more done in considerably less time. And, when we are feeling lousy it totally makes sense to want to find a way out ASAP. But as Tara Brach stated in the quote at the start of this blog post, when we SLOW DOWN we actually see and experience MORE - and I will add that noticing more, means there are increased opportunities for change. Think of a fast rollercoaster, how at 150 miles plus per hour, you can open your eyes but you sure don’t take in much of anything. The subtle nuances of things like colours, sounds and scents are completely lost and it is all a big blur. If I held something out to you as you passed by, you could not grab it because the pace is just too accelerated. Contrast that with sitting going for a horse and buggy ride through a small town main street. You hear every clop of the horses hooves, smell the open, fresh air, and feel the sun beaming down on your back. You notice the purple and red flowers, see the green grass and wave at people passing by as they walk into shops. A TOTALLY different experience. A change to interact with others, connect with the horses, absorb the environment. All good things for our nervous systems. Not to put down rollercoasters. If you read this blog then you know that I love a great theme park ride as much as the next guy, but they are only meant for short term usage, once in awhile during a special trip or day out. Most of our lives are so much better lived at horse and buggy pace, which is gentle, calm, and engaging for our systems.
One way to start taking a turtle step is with a practice of self-compassion. Recognizing, first of all, that you and I are not the only ones to have our own horrid days. So has your spouse, your teacher, your dog, your neighbour, your mom, your boss and the lady who rings through your groceries at the supermarket. We ALL have rough times. When I have one (or two or three or five) of those kind of days, a turtle step feels manageable. A good friend of mine reminded me just the other day to “lower the bar.” As in less is more, think small, decrease the goal, good enough is good enough. I think you get the picture. Gretchen Rubin has a great quote saying “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good. Lower the bar. Actually spending ten minutes clearing off one shelf is better than fantasizing about spending a weekend cleaning out the basement.” Boy, can I relate to that one! How many times have I allowed my desire to do something perfectly get in the way of doing anything. I can think of a million things I would like to do, but I may only have energy for one or two. Shall I clean the kitchen, make a phone call, do some yoga or read a book? More often than I would like to admit, I have done not a single one of them because I am so busy fretting about all the things I can’t do that I became paralyzed by indecision and fear of missing out on whatever was not on the list. Maybe you can relate?
One of my mentors used to say that we should make a list of things we want to do and put them in order of importance. Then put the first item in bold and erase everything else. When we have done that one thing, then we can celebrate the feeling of accomplishment and success (rather than seeing one thing checked off and ten things that are not). Full disclosure, I have been terrible at this particular practice and I still struggle to keep my “to do” list from flowing off the page. But I have absolutely learned to be kinder to myself and to commemorate every single achievement. Because, in reality, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to keep on keeping on when living with chronic health issues and I am a superhero (or in this case maybe more of a super-turtle) every single day that I do. And… SO ARE YOU!!!
I feel like when I recognize that it isn’t the my speed or success/failure ratio that matters in the end, it is only my overall direction, I recognize that turtle steps add up. In many ways faster than taking ginormous steps, losing my balance and falling back even further than I jumped in the first place. That one thing on my list every day equals 365 items in a year, which is no small feat! I said it to close another blog post and I think it bears mentioning another time…. slow and steady really does win this particular race!
Turtle Steps Quote and Blog title from: https://marthabeck.com/2021/01/how-to-succeed-in-2021-do-less-fail-more
A few fun facts about turtles….
Turtles live all over the world
Turtles can live to be over 150 years old
The largest turtles weigh over 1000 pounds
A turtle’s shell is actually part of its skeleton
Turtles vocalize a variety of sounds
Turtles lose their first baby tooth within an hour
Some turtles species have been around since the age of the dinosaurs. They are older than snakes, crocodiles and alligators!
Perhaps we can learn from these amazing creatures!
https://www.natgeokids.com/uk/discover/animals/sea-life/turtle-facts/https://www.petco.com/content/petco/PetcoStore/en_US/pet-services/resource-center/caresheets/fun-facts-about-aquatic-turtles.htmlhttps://www.fisheries.noaa.gov/feature-story/10-tremendous-turtle-facts