Healing…Part 2
“The cure for pain is in the pain.” Rumi
“We heal from the inside out.” Me
In a previous blog we talked about what health and wellness really look like when dealing with chronic health issues and we covered a lot of territory! If you didn’t get a chance to read “What Does it Mean to Heal?” you might want to pop over there and do a quick skim before moving on. Or, if this particular entry peaks your interest, by all means stay right where you are and keep reading.
Just in case info from the last post isn’t at the forefront of your mind this exact second, lets do a quick recap. We began with the premise that there are many different ways we can look at our health and well being. It seems hard to believe when we are so used to feeling ill, but ALL humans have a base level of health if we are alive, breathing and our bodily functions are in tact. Using a definition from “Holistic Nursing” we described healing as “the process of bringing together aspects of one’s self, body-mind-spirit, at deeper levels of inner knowing, leading toward integration and balance with each aspect having equal importance and value.” So, healing is a journey that involves tuning into our internal physical, mental, emotional and spiritual states and growing our relationship with ourselves in deep and intimate ways. We recognized that the improvement of symptoms rarely happens through striving and putting pressure on ourselves to get better STAT, or through following exactly what another person did, but it can come about organically as a byproduct of a new sense of internal goodness. When our nervous systems are regulated and balanced then our bodies and minds have space to heal as well.
We wrapped it all up by pondering how to feel any genuine joy or optimism when stuck inside a body wracked with pain, or fatigue, or brain fog or any other number of symptoms? Great question! Let’s dive right in and see.
Start Where You Are Today, In This Moment
This might be the best day you have had in awhile or the worst in recent memory. I have definitely been on both sides of that fence and if you have been part of the chronic illness crew for more than a minute, then I suspect you have too! Starting where we are is a way we can regroup and reset our systems no matter what has happened in the last little while. We all need a little break to have a long, deep sigh and stop trying to change, rationalize, make it better, freak out, look on the bright side or anything else. You might not like where you are one bit, and that is totally OK. This is absolutely NOT about mantras, pretending, ignoring or lying to ourselves or anyone else! It absolutely IS, however, about tuning in, paying attention and honouring where we are at in this moment. If you need to shed some tears for how hard the journey has been up to this point, go ahead. Maybe you want to put on some music and prance around the kitchen in your pjs because this feels like it has been a pretty good day, all things considered. Awesome. Whether you are lying in bed, sitting down with a book or making lunch in your kitchen, notice for a few seconds and then relax. No pressure to do more or try harder.
Begin on the Inside
When I ask new clients about their reasons for choosing a life coach, the vast majority would like to get rid of their most challenging symptoms, and preferably as soon as possible. Common appeals are for more energy, less pain, a clear mind, a sense of joy and vitality, and most often ALL of the above. Makes perfect sense to me! Of course we all want to feel stronger and healthier and the sooner the better! However, MANY years of experience have taught me that we almost never heal through pushing and striving. And believe me, I have tried. Our bodies can only heal when there is internal capacity to do so and there is no dial showing us how far along we are. We keep putting goodness in until eventually we reach a tipping point and the healing energy starts to flow. A change in symptoms happens if and when my body is ready and I don’t have jurisdiction over any of that. Sorry to say, there are no short cuts!
If you want to start with some internal work but don’t know where to begin, here are some questions you could start with. Am I loving myself just as I am? How could I offer care for the parts of me that feel vulnerable and scared, angry and rageful, sad and grieving? And most important of all, how can I invite the things I don’t like at all such as my not wanting to accept, my resistance, my desire to give up and throw in the towel? Those parts need my care and attention too. It bears mentioning here that this is not easy work to do and it is entirely normal to vacillate quite remarkably between various levels of welcoming and slamming the door firmly shut. I have most certainly done plenty of both!
Notice What Is Changing (Even if it isn’t exactly what you would choose)
For me, almost every spurt of growth in my system has been where I would not have anticipated it. Oftentimes I didn’t even recognize the changes because my focus was so intense upon the “Big 3” (Fatigue, Pain, Brain Fog). Then one day I would remember that I used to struggle with dry eyes, or eczema and I don’t anymore. I have found that paying attention to the smaller things has given me hope that my system is moving and that healing is possible. If my skin can stop peeling or my fingernails can grow stronger, then perhaps that internal goodness meter is rising and I would not be crazy to think other changes might be within reach.
It is important to remember that you probably won’t wake up one day with your fatigue having disappeared entirely or your pain levels at a zero. For most people things improve a bit at a time. You realize that you can do more now than you used to do without crashing. Cool. You are sleeping a bit better or you can recall the name of your new neighbour for more than 30 seconds. Fantastic. You felt good for a minute, hour, evening or an entire day. Awesome. Those are signs of growth. Don’t ignore them and don’t minimize them. Celebrate. Every. Single. Amazing. Miraculous. Tiny. Step. Forward. Each micrometer counts!
Ride the Rollercoaster
I always thought of the healing journey a little bit like climbing a tall ladder or driving down a lengthy highway; an extended forward facing trek where I would take one stride (or long jump) at a time towards my end goal. A “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” sort of thing. In reality, it has been much more like a big, tall, roller coaster ride, and not just a calm kiddie coaster you find at the local community fair! More like one of the crazy new fangled behemoths with several loop-de-loops, intense drops, backwards portions, multiple acceleration sections and a good chunk of it in the dark. From the outside it looks like a great big jumbly mess! You have to get in at the start and TRUST that the pathway leads to the finish somehow. And oftentimes you have no idea where you are along the way…. up or down, high or low, near the beginning or close to the end.
If we can remember that the healing path is not a linear forward facing highway but that we will have unexpected drops, upside downs and backtracks, then we have already built in some grace for ourselves when things don’t go the way we had planned them to. The reality of the healing journey is that it is entirely non-linear! We will take 2 steps forward and 1 back, sometimes feel stuck and other times take giant leaps forward without even realizing that we have. Setbacks and growth spurts are both part of the process.
Find Your Tribe
I think one of the most important things we can do is have a community of peers as well as mentors, who help us remember all these things when we forget them. So many times I have thought I had it all figured out, only to go through some hard things and feel miserable. In those times, having other people on a similar pathway can remind us that it is OK and we just happened to hit one of those backwards roller coaster sections! They can reorient us to the journey we are on and that we are still on the right path, even when we feel confused, scared or beaten down. I know a million percent for sure that I would never have made it this far without my own group of people who are there for me and keep speaking truth into my nervous system whenever I lose my way a wee bit. A bad day is a bad day and there is really no way around it. I can’t promise you any method of healing that will ensure you never have another one! But I can say that a horrible period is made a little less awful when we have a kindred spirit to share the pathway with. If it has been hard for you to find your tribe, you could start with an online support group for chronic illness patients (make sure it is a reputable one), or an online class with a secondary chat area for participants to get to know each other and where the communication is moderated. I met all of my closest ME/CFS buddies through groups and classes and we have walked MANY roads together. We really need each other’s help to transverse such a difficult path.
It bears mentioning that our tribes are also the best place to celebrate when we take a Neil Armstrong level leap forward and can’t quite find the words to express the transformation. We can share with those people who just get it and can’t wait to cheer us on! We actually grow best in companionship and when we are open to it, another person’s success creates new pathways in our systems for growth and change as well. We receive a kind of guiding light from further down the road to help us have more secure footing on the path, now that it has been travelled by another. AMAZING right?
I would love to tell you that there is a simple way to heal with a 5 step plan that works for everyone, but there just isn’t. However, I am here to encourage you that improvements in health are ABSOLUTLEY possible, and actually most probable, when we continue to create space inside our systems for growth and change. Healing happens from the inside out, in ways we can not control or predict, but we can always welcome and invite.
Dossey BM, Keegan L, Guzzetta CE, eds. Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice. 4th ed. Sudbury, Mass: Jones & Bartlett Publishers; 2005.
With deepest thanks to my “tribe”… Jim, Rebecca, Jason, Michele, Cat, Marci, Patricia, Tara and the Friday afternoon gals. I could not ride the rollercoaster without you.