Mirror Neurons
“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” Donald O Hebb
“Mirror Neurons create bonds of empathy, emotional attunement, and reciprocity between people.” Fran Cohen Praver
I am absolutely obsessed with the concept of mirror neurons. For those who may not be familiar with the term, it is the idea that as humans and animals, our brain neurons fire both when we act in a particular way and also when we observe comparable actions in another human or animal. This means that I can have a similar brain response when someone else acts as though I were doing that thing myself. If this sounds a bit theoretical just stay with me for a moment or two and I hope I can make you want to experience some of these mirror neurons for yourself!
In my longtime quest for better health, I participated in quite a few groups for people with chronic illnesses. In the early years, many of these sessions were focused on sharing our pain and suffering and providing a space to vent frustrations and be understood. It felt good to be heard and find other people who really “got” my struggles but I often left feeling even heavier than when I came, filled with a lot of sadness, anger, and just a big knotted up ball of emotions I didn’t understand.
Around the time I first heard about neuroplasticity from our group facilitator, she proposed the idea of mirror neurons. She suggested that each time we replay all the negative aspects of an event, it was like our brain was experiencing the events all over again. AND even further, when we heard other people’s repeated awful experiences, it was also traumatizing to our already fragile systems because they would reflect and literally re-present the ideas to our brains as though they were new to us. This was quite a revolutionary thought! So she proposed that we reconsider how we were conducting our groups to focus on more positive things and see if it made a difference in our emotional stability and our individual and group progress. She still allowed some sharing (it is important to be able to empathize with each other) but would start to encourage more focus on what we were learning from our situations, how we could see it in a new light, and how we might better appreciate the support we got from other group members. It was quite a shift in thinking. We started pairing up into pairs or triads and our goal was to practice thinking these new thoughts together so our mirror neurons could build on each other’s cellular growth. We tried visualizations separately and together, writing letters to ourselves and reading them out loud, sharing our dreams and goals using vision boards and sometimes just talking about the new material we were learning. We were also encouraged to connect with other members throughout the week to practice more together in person, on the phone, via zoom or whatever worked. I am not kidding when I say that within a couple of sessions people were reporting significant changes in their mindset. And over the course of a few months there were absolutely astounding results. Someone who could hardly walk was able to move around quite freely, another person who had not been able to tackle her laundry for years got through the whole pile. One lady who had not slept well in ages was reporting good sleeps a couple of times per week, a person with decades of depressions was noticing a mood shift. It really was incredible!
Since that time I have practiced with several partners, some of whom have been peers and others who have been paid professionals. All have been amazing and I could not even think about where I would be without them! On days when I am struggling, the mirror neurons I get from my partner can lift me up (and I can return the favour in their rough times.) When I am stuck and need guidance, a professional has made all the difference. In those cases I am able to just soak up all the mirror neurons to strengthen my networks without worrying about what I give back in return. I don’t think it is an either-or proposition, but more of a both-and. We need peers and friends and support partners for the day to day work AND we need professional assistance to help us plot our overall course of action.
Being a bit of a word lover, I find it especially useful to look up definitions to help me understand the nuances of language in new ways. I looked up the word “mirror” and here is what I found.
To reflect
Something that gives a true representation
An exemplary model
I absolutely need all three of these things. Sometimes a “reflection” can be invaluable. My partner might validate what I am seeing or doing in a way that makes me feel heard and supported. A “true representation” might be seeing me in ways that I am blocked from seeing myself. It is hard work to change thinking patterns that are long held in the system and someone else with a more compassionate view of me goes a long way to reminding my brain of my updated physiology. An “exemplary model” could be a professional who is further down the path of healing than ourselves. Exemplary is not perfect but rather acting as an example and representing goodness while holding space for the nervous system to see new options. Ideally that person can share their own successes and failures, being vulnerable enough for us to connect emotionally, but providing a light from up ahead that we can use to see our path forward more clearly.
It turns out that you can teach an old dog new tricks. However, it takes more time and effort as we age and our brains are not as easy to retrain as they were in earlier years. Having mirror neurons means we have twice as many brain cells to use in our growth and development! I want to take advantage of every single brain cell that I can access, don’t you?
*** A little shout out here to Dr. Eleanor Stein, who has provided me with SO much practical experience learning about neuroplasticity and mirror neurons and who took the risk to try and change the minds of a rather resistant small group of people almost a decade ago now. And to my amazing practice partners and friends (AKA my “Team Mel”) over the last few years…. Michele, Catherine, Rebecca, Alison, and Marci, whose mirror neurons have given me so much hope in hard times, whether you realized it or not! Thanks for lending me your brain cells when mine just couldn’t quite see the light on the path.