Superheroes Unite

“Find your cape at the department store or deep within yourself.” Glamour Magazine

“Knowing your superpower changes everything.”  Nadalie Bardo

This may come as a massive shock to you (brace yourself!) but I am a total nerd. One of those crazy types who reads science-y books just for fun, loves comic cons, has paid for tickets to a Star Trek event with the cast, and who has watched all 23 Marvel movies in order. I proudly display my glittering Minnie Mouse ears and own several Harry Potter Lego sets because they are awesome. It is just the way I roll. 

Many years ago, when things were not going so well health wise, I took up the mantle of mindfulness exercises. I was feeling particularly deflated one day and a friend asked me about trying “The Work” of Byron Katie. I figured why not give it a go. After discussing how awful I felt all the time, and my fears of never getting better we got to the 4th question on her list; “Who would you be without that thought?” Such an amazing ask and I latched onto it right away. How would I be different if I wasn’t feeling hopeless and stuck?  Would my attitude change? My thinking? My posture? How would I speak? What about how I dressed and did my hair and makeup? (A funny thought since I wasn’t even getting dressed most days at that point!) Being an uber nerd, my immediate thought was that I could make a pretty fantastic superhero! I would sport a glitzy costume, glamorous hairdo, epic hands-on-hips stance and blockbuster karate moves. If you plan to be a superhero, why not go all out right? Every great superhero needs a catchy name… Wonder Woman was (sadly) taken as were Supergirl, Captain Marvel and Black Widow. I didn’t think Captain Mellissa seemed overly endearing either. I loved the alliteration of Pepper Potts, Jessica Jones and Lois Lane so I eventually decided on “Bella Bliss.” Bella, which is the Italian and Spanish word for beautiful, and Bliss to represent the great joy and happiness that I was hoping I could somehow cultivate for the future.

I started to imagine Bella Bliss with me when I was going about my days, doing chores, volunteering at my kids’ school, walking around the shopping mall. Would I prance around with some extra zip knowing that I could whip into a phone booth change my clothes and save the world? You better believe it! When things were hard, I would ponder how Bella would handle it. I thought of her like an alter ego; a resource I could turn to for some extra strength and confidence when I needed it. If she could be heroic and bold than maybe I could invite some more bravery into my life too.

I admit it was rather hard, at first, to imagine myself being fearless at anything. Sitting down, exhausted, in my super old yoga pants and stained t-shirt, I did not feel particularly courageous or intimidating. But, I am lucky to have been blessed with an (over?)active imagination and I have watched enough superhero movies and read enough comics to know what a bad ass heroine might be up to in her spare time, so I gave it a try. Telling you it was TONS of fun would be a major understatement. I LOVED it. It is hard not to laugh at yourself when you imagine yourself wearing a purple tutu and look like a cross between a My Little Pony and Madonna. I tentatively started sharing about my Bella Bliss visualizations in my chronic illness support group and my cohorts adored her too. People started asking me about my intrepid heroine and what she was up to, and I brought her energy into practices we did in pairs and groups. Everyone cheered her on as she went about her butt kicking, karate chopping days. The crazy thing about it all was that imagining more of Bella in my life, caused me to feel a bit more fierce and resilient. I smiled more thinking about her antics. I giggled in the car when I was driving and thought of her on billboards and starring in movies. She was doing it all like a boss!

In the time since, Bella Bliss has become one of my favourite parts of myself and we have been through a lot together. When I would doubt my abilities, Bella reminded me that I could do it. Any time I felt boring and ordinary, she had me covered with her sequined purple get up and her long flowing streaked hair. When I felt afraid, I imagined Bella standing with her hands on her hips, high heeled thigh high boots, cape flowing in the wind… and I felt strong. It might sound crazy but in many ways Bella Bliss changed my life.

One of the first neuroplasticity books I read was “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Joe Dispenza. I knew almost nothing about brain change at that time, but my group leader had read the book and found it interesting, so I picked it up at the library. The title is rather a dead giveaway about the content but essentially Dr. Dispenza was proposing that in order to really make shifts in our lives, we have to step out of the way we see ourselves, our norms and routines, our ingrained patters and responses, in order to lean into a practice of being someone entirely new. It was such a fascinating idea and one that stuck with me.

Then I read about how several actors and singers have a kind of “alter ego” for themselves when they want to push out of their comfort zones, play a new role or try a more flamboyant character. David Bowie had “Ziggy Stardust,” Eminem had “Slim Shady,” Beyoncé had “Sasha Fierce.” I read about how Beyoncé wanted to push the boundaries of how people viewed her, to embrace more of her own feminine power and authority but struggled with her confidence. She found that pretending she was Sasha Fierce allowed her to play with new roles and ideas while feeling a bit more separated from the fear of failure. After a couple of years, she was able to let go of “Sasha” and just integrate the “Fierce” into her own character. In the years since, Beyoncé has become one of the most celebrated singers of our time and is most definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Although Beyoncé I am definitely not, I think Bella Bliss has offered many of the same opportunities for experimentation in my own life. I had some parts of myself that were feeling fun, aggressive, glamorous, powerful, sassy and strong but they were not getting any airtime with my “just got out of bed” all day fashion statement and my depressed state of mind. They were buried deep but they were still in there. I was just too stuck in overwhelm to be able to see those as pieces of my authentic self at that time. But… I could quite easily play around with Bella having qualities that I didn’t feel connected to and those visualizations opened up a space for parts to try new things and over time created more lanes to travel on my physical and mental roadmap without me even realizing it. It was so much less scary to work on Bella in the beginning but as I became more used to the idea of smiling or laughing, of standing strong and being powerful, it got easier and easier to see those qualities in myself.

I was a bit concerned that leaning too much into “her” as a separate entity might take away from my own power and abilities, but in fact the opposite was true. Starting as a distinct part made it feel safe to imagine, to create, to invent, to not hold back. As she felt more and more safe to my system, I could embrace that “she” was a part of “me.” I may not be Bella every moment of every day, but I take her sensational energy with me in everything that I do.

I guess my ultimate point here is that we can break the habit of being ourselves any way that we like. It could be small things like brushing your teeth with your non dominant hand or sleeping on the other side of the bed from your usual. But for me, I found that bringing something enjoyable into my life, at a time when I was deeply struggling, made the whole process feel like an adventure. Kind of like a scavenger hunt to reclaim parts of myself that were as valuable as buried treasure. I didn’t really have to try and let Bella’s qualities into my life, they just happened. After spending time every day thinking of standing taller, I felt like I really was, and I just naturally took up more space as I walked around the world with some new sass and swagger. I mean, wearing a purple sequined bodysuit around town you need some serious confidence!

Bella Bliss is still with me in many different ways, from my love of all things purple, to the lego superhero gals on my keychain. I don’t have the sequined suit yet (sigh) but maybe one of these days. A friend from group gave me some superhero socks, which I still wear, and another friend gave me a purple tutu wearing stuffed animal, just so I don’t forget who I am inside and remember what it means to have an awe-inspiring alter ego. I don’t want to let go of the beauty (Bella) or the delight (Bliss). All these years later, I like to say that “neuroplasticity is my superpower” and I 100% believe that it is. I certainly hope that it becomes your superpower too.

Alter Ego information from: https://www.britannica.com/list/10-alter-egos-of-the-music-industry