I’m a Travelling (Wo)man
“Travel is recess and we need it.” Rick Steves
“Travel brings power and love back into your life.” Rumi
I love to travel. I always have. A road trip, train trip, boat trip or plane trip … pretty much any kind of motor and steering wheel get my undivided attention. I find it relaxing to be away from home, in a new environment, and especially somewhere warm in the middle of a cold Canadian winter! Travel was one of the things I missed most when I was in the thick of illness symptoms. For several years after my diagnosis, I would not even consider taking a vacation, as I felt that my system was too unpredictable and I was afraid I would very likely crash before, during, after… more than likely all of the above! However, my passion for adventure eventually got the best of me and I decided I wanted to make it a priority, even when my health situation wasn’t perfect. I can 100% say that I don’t regret that decision for a moment!
As is my custom for new things, I started the quest by doing some research. I read blogs, watched YouTube videos and perused books. I saw that people with a wide variety of disabilities travel all the time and I was inspired! I realized I did not want my health status to be the sole determining factor of whether I got to do new, interesting and creative things. In fact, it became abundantly clear to me that it was even MORE IMPORTANT for me to remember what my passions are, what I love to do, what gets me excited, and what helps me feel optimistic about the future. Travel is absolutely one of those things.
But, practically speaking, pursuing adventure when you have a chronic illness is a complex matter with many extra considerations. That is just a fact. There is the illness itself with fluctuating energy levels, environmental sensitivities, dietary issues, pain, heat etc. And, there are also external considerations like how to budget if you have limited income, handling children and so on. I absolutely had to make significant adjustments to accommodate for my health challenges but it has been an endeavour well worth the effort. I have dealt with a whole swack of complications in my own life, so here are some of the strategies I use to keep it as manageable as possible. Just in case a trip is on your bucket list too!
Start Low and Go Slow
Some of our first “vacations” were pretty tiny ones. Although, my heart wanted to do a multi-week overseas Europe trip, my body was only ready to try an overnight stay in a nearby city. In fact, one of our original getaways was to a hotel about 15 minutes from our house where we just went for a nice dinner, used the hot tub and chilled out, while our kids stayed with Grandma! In the beginning, we planned only road trips with no more than a few hours’ drive, to some smaller cities and rural districts. Always with last minute hotel cancellation available should I crash and feel unable to go. We tried some local hotels, bed and breakfasts and even camping in my brother’s backyard in a borrowed trailer. At first, I really struggled with the discrepancy between what I wanted to do (head out on a long, exotic adventure worthy of multiple Instagram posts) and what I could actually manage (a 2 day weekend in a neighbouring small town). It was my husband who eventually sat down with me and talked about the wisdom in loving what is and finding ways to make each escapade unique and interesting, in spite of them not being exactly what I had imagined. Something shifted in my psyche after that and I made the decision to treat each trip, no matter the size or duration, as a major event in my life and ramp up the excitement as much as humanly possible. I was delighted packing my bags, filling my travel toiletry bottles and checking to see if I could find my swimsuit (usually not but no worries!) The very act of getting ready to travel, even up the street, reminded me of how much I used to thrive on seeing new places and I absolutely believe it was training my system, a wee bit at a time, that it was safe to journey forth again.
Choose Your Destination Carefully
I totally get that this isn’t always possible when your kids want a 10 day mega Disneyworld trip and you feel like you need a week long “lie flat on the beach” kind of vacation, but whenever possible, look into locations that offer a lot of downtime, rest, and options for the things that make your life easiest. Especially when you are just starting out. Cruises and all inclusives can be excellent options if you bring the kids along as there are usually child and youth clubs to keep them entertained and younger family members can be often be added for free or at a much lower cost. You also don’t have to cook or even look for restaurants as they are all right there for you to choose from! If you have dietary needs, look for options that have plenty of choices for food intolerances. Thankfully, there are way more options than there used to be! If you have children, you could also consider seeing if someone in your family or friendship group can look after them for a short while so you get a really good break from everything. If travel exhausts you, pick a location close to home that is an easy drive, or one with a short, direct flight during the day. Ask friends in the chronic illness community about their travel experiences and what has and hasn’t worked for them. A few of my pals who are entirely gluten free found cruise lines and all-inclusives willing and able to accommodate for their unique needs. Woo hoo! Nice to see the world adapting for those who require it. Bonus… if you can go in the off season or last minute, these types of vacations can be super inexpensive.
You Can Do… A Thing Or Two
One of the hardest lessons for me is that I need to pace myself. I always want to do MORE, MORE, MORE but I need to do LESS, LESS, LESS. A trip is such an easy time to get carried away by all the fabulous options. Going on holiday is not, sadly, a complete vacation from having an illness, experiencing symptoms or needing to consider limitations when making plans. Many things come into play here including destination, distance, transportation and accommodation options, recreation and budget. But, in all situations, recognizing I need to start with the right mindset and plan the best I can to stay in my window of tolerance makes a huge difference.
Nowadays, I start most vacation plans by determining what are my absolute must do activities and what I can let go of. I choose a few days where the rest of the crew goes and does an activity that I don’t participate in. I will stay home on those days, lounge by the pool, grab a nice dinner at the hotel, go for a massage in the spa or binge watch copious amounts of TV entirely guilt free (I am on vacation right?) I am always sad to miss out on anything but staying healthy on vacation is a priority for me and I know how much my system is capable of. And, over time, I have learned to enjoy those days by myself as a way to recharge and reconnect with my own system.
Get Creative
In the earlier years of my illness, I was not able to get away for a larger vacation due to a combination of health issues, young children and financial challenges. But we still tried to find ways to have a little holiday whenever possible. One option is to see if anyone you know has a place you can rent for cheap, house sit, or visit. Saving points from a travel credit card or an air miles plan is also helpful to cover the costs of flights, hotels, car rentals and event tickets. We also did a lot of short road trips to nearby communities, an hour or two away, staying at some pretty bed and breakfasts, or finding local hotel or condo rental deals in the off season. We would choose one thing to do on each trip to make it memorable. A few examples from our holidays were having a couple’s spa day, sailing on an evening sunset cruise, going to a dueling piano bar, seeing a celebrity who was in concert, attending an evening theatre event and visiting a new distillery for some tastings.
As the kids got older and we could include them in our trips, we started with smaller visits to family and friends and then grew from there. Our first “big” family vacations were road trips where we took several stops along the way to keep it manageable. We went together with other family members who could pitch in to help if needed. Having that extra back up support really helped me to feel comfortable trying something new when I wasn’t sure how I would manage it on my own.
Expect the Unexpected
In spite of careful planning and lots of pre-organizing, there is always something that goes wrong on every trip. There is so much media coverage right now of the constant delays in airline travel, issues at airports and car rental companies and so on. It is best to expect that things might not go according to plan and try to allow some space for there to be issues. I like to arrive at my destination early enough in the day that my head is still clear if there are problems with my hotel reservation, airline flight or car rental. I also find that designating someone else to be the decision maker (choose the restaurant, pick up the groceries etc.) when it has been a long travel day allows me to relax and not tax my system any further than it needs to be.
As with almost everything we talk about on this blog, the most important thing is to keep that openness and flow in my nervous system so that I can respond with as much calm, clarity, confidence (and all the other C’s) as possible. If you are not familiar with the 8 C’s from the Internal Family Systems model, feel free to visit the Blog post “Calm, Cool and Covid" to get a brief explanation.
The Before and After
One of the most crucial aspects of any trip for me is the before and after. Choosing to do my pre trip shopping, packing, organizing and planning over a long period of time allows me to feel less pressure and stay relaxed through the process. I don’t feel panicked on the last day because I need to pack, clean the house, get food, gas up the car, book tickets, etc. I make lists and tackle the items a few at a time each day before hand. Also trying to have a low key pre-trip week with less busyness and socializing, getting good sleep and just feeling overall rested beforehand is a big help.
After trip is an excellent time to plan for some down days. I am a go, go gadget kind of gal but I know that my system needs some post-travel time to relax and let my system come back down to normal. Especially if my trip involved several flights, time zone changes or a lot of busy days like theme parks and rides or shopping and visiting. The longer and more intense the trip, the more time that I need. You may (like me) have friends who can work up until the 11th hour before they go and fly back home at 3 am and head to work the next day. I don’t honestly think that is a good option for anyone, but it is especially unworkable for us ME/CFS people for what I think are pretty obvious reasons. Enough said.
Well, I think that about wraps up this edition of “Travel with Mellissa.” I hope that you feel inspired to add some fun and excitement to your life. Let me leave you with the reminder that trips don’t have to be huge to be eventful and enjoyable. Start with whatever you can do. An afternoon visit to your sister’s place in a neighbouring city, an overnight in a local hotel or a free weekend in your friend’s unused timeshare. In our social media world, it can feel like anything less than a perfectly Instagram worthy around the world epic affair is not worthy of consideration. BUT…I am challenging you to think about any options that you have. If all else fails even sleeping in a different room of the house and getting supper from a local restaurant to eat out on the deck. It can be literally ANYTHING at all. I think Rumi said it so well in the thumbnail quote for this post…. travel really does bring amazing and unexpected good things into your life! So don’t wait another moment to consider how you can hop a plane, train or automobile and head out on your own adventure.