What Does it Mean to Heal?
“The more consciousness you bring to your body, the stronger your immune system becomes. It is as if every cell awakens and rejoices. Your body loves your attention. It is also a potent form of self healing.” Eckhart Tolle
“Are you walking in balance with the greater circle?” Grandmother Medicine Song
For people living with a chronic illness, “health” and “healing” can be loaded words. Society has become hyper focused on wellness, strength and vigor and there are plenty of teachers out there pushing us to do our best, focus more intensely, try harder and work smarter. It can sometimes feel like those of us with health challenges are kind of limping along, lagging many miles behind our healthy counterparts on the societal superhighway.
I was recently talking with a friend from the ME/CFS community and we got onto the topic of what it actually means to heal. We were pondering a number of things. Does having an illness mean we can’t also be healthy? At what point on the wellness journey can we consider ourselves “recovered”? What does health look like while in the process of recovery? I think these questions are worth some exploration.
My personal journey with health and wellness has been a complicated one. I will take a stab in the dark and say yours might be the same! Having had several chronic illnesses for many years, I don’t think there has been anything I have wished for more than to live a “normal” life, to feel boundlessly energetic, mentally focused and pain free. This can seem like an impossible realization when your system is hijacked for what appears to be no reason at all; suddenly your heart starts racing or you are so dizzy you can’t stand up straight. Visits to medical professionals often provide limited information and it can start to feel like you are crazy when every test comes back normal (even though you feel anything but) and all the symptoms remain invisible. It is discouraging, disheartening, anxiety provoking, anger inducing and it feels like such a violation of our basic human right to, as our American friends would say, “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
Waaaaay back in 1986, the World Health Organization defined health as “a resource for everyday life, not the objective of living. Health is a positive concept emphasizing social and personal resources, as well as physical capabilities.” So 35 years ago, we see the recognition that health is not just the absence of illness in the body, but also factors in our mental, emotional, relational and communal capacities. I find it thought provoking that there is specific mention that health is “not the objective” of our lives, but rather a “resource” we can draw upon. This is quite counter intuitive for those of us in the chronic illness community, where almost every thought, discussion and action revolves around health … or more often the lack of it.
Although I think it is 100% normal for us to long for our bodies and minds to be robust and thriving, in the early days of illness the goal of getting back to “normal” can boarder on obsession. The whole idea of dis-ease means that something feels not right inside our systems. Essentially, it is like a fire alarm is going off inside our home 24/7/365. The siren puts us into a state of high alert, and creates apprehension and an awareness that danger lurks nearby. The “threat” feels real and it would be crazy to ignore it!
But what if…. and just go with me for a second here…. that alarm is not blaring because of our particular diagnoses, but rather it is trying to let us know that we have lost our internal compass, and is sounding off as loudly as possible, acting as a beacon to draw us back home? What if healing were less about “getting rid of” particular symptoms or diagnoses and more about coming to know ourselves internally, with compassion, curiosity and interest, and then helping our minds, bodies and souls to re-connect from the fragmentation that so often occurs with trauma and chronic health issues? Could this joining of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual lead to more safety, optimism, and vitality in the system, not entirely dependent upon how many symptoms we might or might not still have? Is Eckhart Tolle right when (in the thumbnail quote above) he says that our consciousness and attention can lead to physical changes in the body?
I love the definition of health from “Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice” which says that healing is “the process of bringing together aspects of one’s self, body-mind-spirit, at deeper levels of inner knowing, leading toward integration and balance with each aspect having equal importance and value.” This way of looking at health and wellness considers our inner resources, as discussed above, as well as our individual experiences and the importance of getting to know ourselves in an steady and intimate way.
While I was in University, I took an elective class in Aboriginal Studies. It was my very favourite course in my post secondary adventures mainly because we had an amazing Professor of Anishinaabe background, Les Jerome, who was there with a true calling to teach and to learn about about more than just textbooks and lesson plans! I don’t think I missed a single class. He taught about the wisdom of the Medicine Wheel and the insight he shared has never left me. In its most basic terms, the Medicine Wheel is divided into four quadrants which can represent the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our lives. In order for us to be on a healthy path, the sections need to be equal in size, representing a roughly equivalent focus in each area of wellness. Les used to say that when we are long in one area, we are short in another, meaning that when we over focus on one thing, it must always pull energy away from the others and throw us out of equilibrium. There is no way to have balance when we are not giving comparable energy and attention to all areas of our lives. However, when we learn how to care for ourselves in one aspect, we feel the benefits in the remaining three, because each affects the other in the greater circle.
That doesn’t mean that we will never get hung up on all the details of our ailments, because we most certainly will. It is H.A.R.D. to lean into our bodies when pain flares up or fatigue intensifies. Human nature is such that we want to run as far away from pain and system failure as possible, and for very good and logical reasons. But to me, wellness is growing when my overall trajectory is towards looking inside to see what is going on underneath the physical and emotional symptoms. Which parts of me might be feeling a sense of fear or scarcity when a new health issue pops up? Where do I feel the frustration that I can’t keep up with healthy friends and family members? What might the pain and fatigue be trying to tell me? Am I pushing myself too hard and not taking enough breaks? Am I overworking my body for the energy level I currently have? Is there emotional pain that has not been given an opportunity to share its story? When I am able to tune into myself, listen to my parts and the narratives they have to tell without judgement, and welcome all these lost pieces back into my system, then I am transcending suffering and acting in the interests of self compassion.
As Eckhart Tolle so beautifully stated in the quote above, our bodies LOVE our kind attention. They truly can not get enough of it! Our skin, our organs, our cells, our bones, our minds and hearts. Every single part of us is longing for us to slow down, to listen, to draw near (rather than run away) when we feel pain and exhaustion, to be present and attuned. I readily admit that this can be challenging to do, but it bears such beautiful fruit that it is worth every ounce of effort. Our bodies must have our presence for healing to take place. Full stop. And, the more we can approach our intention as an act of love, welcoming, curiosity and interest and be without an agenda, the more our relationship with ourselves can grow. That growth in itself is a tremendous healing and not to be overlooked. The thing about healing is that our body/mind/soul often require our attention and nurturing long before our symptoms are able to respond. I like to say that we heal from the inside out. This is because it is often at the soul level we are injured first and as we tighten up to brace ourselves against future harm, we break the cord that is meant to connect our internal parts. Many times, physical symptoms actually come up as the result of this trauma and separation. Our bodies simply cannot function effectively without a deep sense of safety and interdependence between our body, mind, and spirit.
For me, healing is a profoundly spiritual journey, one more about my internal presence, self awareness and creating space and connection, rather than a focus on symptoms and ailments. Why does this matter so much? Well, in the simplest terms, our systems can not relax and calm themselves to create new habits, to learn, to open up to the possibility of change, unless they feel secure, stable and nurtured. Many of us have not had that kind of relationship with our bodes in the past, for many different (and very valid) reasons. Childhood trauma and attachment issues play a super important role in nervous system development and can not be overlooked. And having a chronic illness often is a significant form of trauma to the body and mind in its own right. It is extremely stressful on the body to feel unwell all the time and to sense that things are out of balance, often without much explanation. Having an invisible illness is even harder because we are frequently doubted, blamed, made to feel lazy or deficient and we have no way to objectively prove that our experience is real. So I just want to take a moment here to honour that.
However, when we see health through a resource based model looking at the aspects that we already have, it changes the way our bodies, minds and spirits feel about being alive. It might be something as wonderful as having strong friendships that build me up when I am struggling (social health), or having an amazing counsellor who listens to me and helps problem solve when I need to make a major decision (mental health). The outcomes don’t necessarily have to be on a scale whereby a 10 means I am perfectly recovered with no symptoms, but perhaps could be more open ended so that I can acknowledge I feel physically and mentally healthier when I have the ability to advocate for myself and feel supported. In some ways I am already super healthy and in other ways I am not as healthy as I would wish to be. Both are true. One isn’t more important than the other.
I think that healing occurs on a wide and diverse spectrum. As a life coach, every single client has a unique experience with how their body recovers. For one person, the first positive sign might be that their memory vastly improves and for another their pain might lessen. There is really no way to know what will happen. For me, it was a lot of small things that I didn’t even notice immediately… my skin was less sensitive to chemicals, my eyes weren’t so dry, my teeth didn’t hurt all the time. As days went on I noticed more changes… my sleep improved, I didn’t feel like I was going to die every morning when I woke up, I could remember things without writing every detail down. BUT… through all of that, I still had some pain and fatigue. If we were to measure it on an all or nothing scale of “healed” versus “sick” then I would still have come down on the illness side. The things is, as much as I wish it were not the case (and believe me I still fight against this one fairly frequently) I am not in control of the “how” or the “when” healing happens. No A+B=C. No following exactly what Judy or Joe did and being promised the same result. No program that works for everyone. Lets all let out a big sigh together with that one, cause it kinda sucks!
I have healed more since I stopped trying so hard to heal than when I was doing all sorts of strict things in order to get better. Crazy right? And totally true. If I could define healing now, it would be more about the complexity, the journey of self discovery, learning and growing. About finding the balance and harmony in the medicine wheel of my own life… physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This would absolutely not have been my choice if I had been given one because I wanted to be 100% better as much as anyone else. But, over time, I realized how my definition of health being the complete absence of illness and symptoms was actually making things worse for me. When I started to recognize that I was “Healthy Enough,” as in well enough for my heart to beat all day and night, for my lungs to continue breathing, for my hair to grow and my kidneys to function, I was continuously reminded of health I already had. If you are alive and functioning well enough to read this blog post then you are already have (at least some) health too!
Can we feel “whole” while still having symptoms from chronic illness? How might that happen when we are in pain, limited by fatigue, brain fog and the like? Lets talk about that in the next blog post.
A big shout out to Les Jerome for teaching his students the things that really mattered. I remember them still :)
If you would like to read more about being “Healthy Enough” please click the link to head over to the blog post.
WHO health definitions from Medical News Today https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/150999
Dossey BM, Keegan L, Guzzetta CE, eds. Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice. 4th ed. Sudbury, Mass: Jones & Bartlett Publishers; 2005.
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness from the United States Declaration of Independence. 1776 July 4.